As a team of fond start-uppers, we found this piece especially humorous, sobering and arrogant. Top reasons why investors won’t fund you:
- Can’t See the Future
- “Quarterly MRR”, 100% Gross Margins, and Other Crazy Metrics
- Founder Disalignment / Wrong Founder as CEO
- Exit Strategy Slide
- Lack of Understanding of the Competition
- I Wouldn’t Work For You
- Too Slow. And/or Late
- Don’t Want Me
- Party Round
- Convertible Debt and SAFEs if Round Size is Material
- No One on the Board Representing the Investors
- Any Inappropriate, Sexist, Locker Room, or other Such Comments
- Can’t Get to The Point. I don’t need 28 slides on how Everything is Going To the Cloud
- Want to Have Coffee First
- Will Only Send Me Information in “Proprietary” Format
- Telling Me the Price is Going Up
- Messed Up Cap Table
- CEO Doesn’t like Sales — and The Hunt
- Don’t Understand How I Can Help
- Not Aggressive Enough
- Bad Crazy
- Too Balanced
To be honest – this is only ONE type of investor and also point number 14 is outrageous… Decide for yourself here