As a team of fond start-uppers, we found this piece especially humorous, sobering and arrogant. Top reasons why investors won’t fund you:

1. Can’t See the Future
2. “Quarterly MRR”, 100% Gross Margins, and Other Crazy Metrics
3. Founder Disalignment / Wrong Founder as CEO
4. Exit Strategy Slide
5. Lack of Understanding of the Competition
6. I Wouldn’t Work For You
7. Too Slow.  And/or Late
8. Don’t Want Me
9. Party Round
10. Convertible Debt and SAFEs if Round Size is Material
11. No One on the Board Representing the Investors
12. Any Inappropriate, Sexist, Locker Room, or other Such Comments
13. Can’t Get to The Point.  I don’t need 28 slides on how Everything is Going To the Cloud
14. Want to Have Coffee First
15. Will Only Send Me Information in “Proprietary” Format
16. Telling Me the Price is Going Up
17. Messed Up Cap Table
18. CEO Doesn’t like Sales — and The Hunt
19. Don’t Understand How I Can Help
20. Not Aggressive Enough
21. Bad Crazy
22. Too Balanced

To be honest – this is only ONE type of investor and also point number 14 is outrageous… Decide for yourself here